{"id":1688,"date":"2025-05-09T17:08:28","date_gmt":"2025-05-09T17:08:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/how-to-join-thieves-guild-oblivion.html"},"modified":"2025-05-09T17:08:28","modified_gmt":"2025-05-09T17:08:28","slug":"how-to-join-thieves-guild-oblivion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/how-to-join-thieves-guild-oblivion.html","title":{"rendered":"How to join the thieves guild oblivion: a cheese heist?\u00a0the ultimate guide to sneaky glory (and that weird\u00a0&#8220;secret handshake&#8221;\u00a0decoded!)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><\/p>\n<div id='video-container' data-video-id='4OXnd0FKUTA' style='width:100%; height:auto; max-width:587px; position: relative;'>\n<div class='image-video-plugin' style='background:url(\"https:\/\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/4OXnd0FKUTA\/0.jpg\") center no-repeat; background-size: cover;'><\/div>\n<p>        <span class='youtube-play-button'><\/span><br \/>\n        <noscript><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=4OXnd0FKUTA\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><\/a><\/noscript>\n    <\/div>\n<p><\/p>\n<h2>How do I get into the Thieves Guild in Oblivion?<\/h2>\n<h3>Step 1: Embrace Your Inner Klepto (But With Standards)<\/h3>\n<p>Forget noble quests\u2014this is a job interview where \u201cstealing someone\u2019s cabbage\u201d counts as a resume bullet. To catch the Thieves Guild\u2019s eye, you\u2019ll need to <b>commit 5+ crimes<\/b> (pickpocket, burglary, etc.) and then chat up a <b>city guard<\/b>. If they mutter *\u201cI\u2019ve heard reports of your\u2026 activities\u201d*, congrats! You\u2019re now \u201celigible\u201d for a shady LinkedIn message from a beggar.  <\/p>\n<h3>Step 2: Befriend the Most Honest People in Town (Yes, the Beggars)<\/h3>\n<p>Every city\u2019s <b>resident beggar<\/b> holds the keys to the guild\u2014literally. Bribe them with <b>1 gold<\/b> (they\u2019ll call it a \u201cdonation\u201d) and ask about gossip. If they mention the <b>Gray Fox<\/b>, sprint to the nearest <b>waterfront<\/b> or <b>tavern cellar<\/b> like you\u2019re late for a heist-themed bake sale. Pro tip: If a rat offers you a side quest, maybe decline.  <\/p>\n<h3>Step 3: Pretend You\u2019re Not Here to Steal the Silverware<\/h3>\n<p>Once inside the secret meeting spot, <b>Arquen<\/b> (a woman whose vibe screams \u201cdark mom friend\u201d) will grill you. Agree to her terms, swear loyalty to the Gray Fox, and <b>don\u2019t ask why his helmet looks like a cursed soup pot<\/b>. Complete your first job\u2014usually stealing something deeply important, like a fork\u2014and voil\u00e0! You\u2019re in.  <\/p>\n<p><b>Key reminders:<\/b>  <\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Your moral compass? Lock it in a chest.<\/li>\n<li>If the guards catch you, blame it on the skooma.<\/li>\n<li>The Gray Fox\u2019s identity is a mystery. No, seriously, don\u2019t Google it.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Now go forth, pad those pockets, and remember: in the Thieves Guild, \u201csharing\u201d is just stealing with extra steps.<\/p>\n<h2>Should I join the Thieves Guild in Oblivion?<\/h2>\n<h3>Pros of Joining: Because Honesty is Overrated, Anyway<\/h3>\n<p>Let\u2019s face it: in a world where dragons occasionally pop in for tea and Daedric Princes treat mortals like chess pieces, <b>stealing a fancy spoon<\/b> from a paranoid noble suddenly feels refreshingly low-stakes. The Thieves Guild offers a <b>crash course in chaos<\/b>, complete with lockpicking minigames, questionable life choices, and the thrill of hearing \u201cStop right there, criminal scum!\u201d as your personal anthem. Plus, you\u2019ll nab the legendary <b>Gray Cowl<\/b>, which lets you commit crimes *and* blame them on a nonexistent alter ego. Truly, the pinnacle of adulting.  <\/p>\n<h3>Cons of Joining: The Guilt (Or Lack Thereof)<\/h3>\n<p>Sure, you might lose a few <b>Karma Points\u2122<\/b> with your paladin cosplay character, but who needs divine favor when you\u2019ve got a sack full of stolen sweetrolls? The real downside? Explaining to your horse that <i>\u201cborrowing\u201d<\/i> every unattended wheel of cheese in Cyrodiil is technically a public service. Also, guards will <b>relentlessly judge you<\/b>, even though they clearly can\u2019t tell the difference between your face and the Gray Fox\u2019s mysterious void mask.  <\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Benefits:<\/b> Infinite lockpicks, a secret hideout that\u2019s probably not haunted (lie), and a guild leader who\u2019s *definitely* not hiding anything suspicious under that cowl.<\/li>\n<li><b>Drawbacks:<\/b> You\u2019ll spend 80% of your time <i>sneaking<\/i>, 15% reloading saves after getting caught mid-heist, and 5% wondering why the Gray Fox can\u2019t just invest in a decent facial moisturizer.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>But Wait\u2014Do You Even Have a Choice?<\/h3>\n<p>Let\u2019s be real: Oblivion\u2019s Thieves Guild isn\u2019t a \u201cshould I?\u201d question. It\u2019s a \u201cwhen?\u201d inevitability. Your destiny was written the moment you pocketed that first <b>watermelon<\/b> from the Market District. Embrace the absurdity. After all, if the world\u2019s going to end, wouldn\u2019t you rather face it with a pockets full of stolen gems and a membership card that says, <i>\u201cProfessional Menace to Society\u201d?<\/i><\/p>\n<h2>How do I join the Assassins guild in Oblivion?<\/h2>\n<p>So, you\u2019ve decided to pivot from <b>\u201claw-abiding citizen\u201d<\/b> to <b>\u201cprofessional stab enthusiast\u201d<\/b> in Cyrodiil? Excellent career choice! The Dark Brotherhood (Oblivion\u2019s premier murder collective) doesn\u2019t exactly post job listings on tavern bulletin boards. No, their hiring process involves less <i>\u201csend us your resume\u201d<\/i> and more <i>\u201cspill someone\u2019s blood\u2026 accidentally-on-purpose.\u201d<\/i> Let\u2019s dive into this totally normal, not-at-all-suspicious onboarding process.<\/p>\n<h3>Step 1: Commit Casual Homicide (But Make It Fashionable)<\/h3>\n<p>First, you\u2019ll need to murder someone. <b>Anyone.<\/b> A beggar, a guard, your neighbor\u2019s prized cow\u2014whatever scratches your existential itch. The key is to get a <b>\u201cYour Crime Has Been Witnessed\u201d<\/b> notification. Then, wait for a shadowy figure to whisper-scream <i>\u201cWE KNOW\u201d<\/i> into your soul. Congrats! You\u2019ve passed the vibe check. Now, just <b>sleep anywhere<\/b> (inn bed, haystack, dragon statue\u2014priorities matter).<\/p>\n<h3>Step 2: Take a Nap (Yes, Really)<\/h3>\n<p>Sleeping triggers Oblivion\u2019s weirdest Airbnb experience: waking up in a <b>dimly lit shack<\/b> with a hooded stranger vibing like a goth dad. This is <b>Lucien Lachance<\/b>, your new BFF (Best Friend who Favors flaying). He\u2019ll congratulate you on your \u201cinitiative\u201d and assign a <b>\u201ctest\u201d<\/b> involving more murder. Pro tip:  <\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Don\u2019t ask about dental plans.<\/b><\/li>\n<li><b>Do nod solemnly.<\/b> (He\u2019s into that.)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Step 3: Pass the \u2018Totally Normal\u2019 Initiation Test<\/h3>\n<p>Your first assignment? Kill a <b>random NPC<\/b> who definitely had it coming (trust the process). Return to the shack, and voil\u00e0\u2014you\u2019re handed a <b>Black Hand<\/b> brand, a dagger, and lifetime membership to a guild that communicates via creepy notes left on corpses. Bonus: You\u2019ll meet colleagues like <b>Vicente Valtieri<\/b>, the vampire who probably runs the HR department. Spoiler: <i>There is no HR department.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>And there you go! You\u2019re now certified to lurk in shadows, whisper <i>\u201cSithis\u201d<\/i> ominously, and confuse villagers with your sudden interest in <b>fruit-themed assassination puns<\/b>. Just remember: business cards are optional, but hiding bodies is mandatory.<\/p>\n<h2>What are the rules for the Thieves Guild in Oblivion?<\/h2>\n<p>Ah, the Thieves Guild. The only workplace where \u201csteal everything that isn\u2019t nailed down\u201d is considered a reasonable job description. But even chaotic-neutral kleptomaniacs need structure! Here\u2019s the <b>unofficial employee handbook<\/b> for Cyrodiil\u2019s premier \u201cacquisition specialists,\u201d where the rules are more like\u2026 loose suggestions wrapped in sarcasm.<\/p>\n<h3>Rule 1: No Killing (Unless You *Really* Want to Annoy Everyone)<\/h3>\n<p>The Guild\u2019s <b>#1 unbreakable law<\/b> is simple: <i>don\u2019t murder your way to profit<\/i>. Stab a guard? Expect a sternly worded lecture from Methredhel. Accidentally drop a cheese wheel on someone\u2019s head? Probably fine. The Guild wants your thefts clean, quiet, and *boringly non-lethal*. Think of it as a \u201cno cilantro\u201d policy\u2014violate it, and the entire faction side-eyes you like you\u2019ve cursed their ancestors.<\/p>\n<h3>Rule 2: Pay Your \u201cFees\u201d (a.k.a. Bribes With Extra Steps)<\/h3>\n<p>Got caught? Congrats! Now <b>hand over 10% of your stolen loot<\/b> to the Guild\u2019s \u201cadministrative fund.\u201d It\u2019s like a subscription service, except instead of Netflix, you\u2019re paying for:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Guards suddenly forgetting your face<\/li>\n<li>Merchants \u201cvoluntarily\u201d buying your hot spoons<\/li>\n<li>The privilege of pretending this is a legit business<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div class='global-div-post-related-aib'><a href='\/news\/game-vault.html' class='post-related-aib'><div class='internal-div-post-related-aib'><span class='text-post-related-aib'>You may also be interested in:<\/span>&nbsp; <span class='post-title-aib'>Unlock the ultimate gaming experience with Game Vault: what\u2019s inside?<\/span><\/div><\/a><\/div>\n<h3>Rule 3: Fences Aren\u2019t Just for Lawns Anymore<\/h3>\n<p>You can\u2019t just sell stolen goods to any old peasant with a coin purse. The Guild provides <b>exclusive fences<\/b>\u2014because nothing says \u201cprofessional crime\u201d like a secret network of shopkeepers who\u2019ve mastered the art of not asking questions. Pro tip: If your fence suddenly develops amnesia about your 37th stolen paintbrush, just smile and back away slowly.<\/p>\n<h3>Rule 4: Promotions Require Theatrical Flair<\/h3>\n<div class='global-div-post-related-aib'><a href='\/news\/zach-yadegari-parents.html' class='post-related-aib'><div class='internal-div-post-related-aib'><span class='text-post-related-aib'>You may also be interested in:<\/span>&nbsp; <span class='post-title-aib'>Who are Zach Yadegari\u2019s parents? Uncovering the family behind the rising star<\/span><\/div><\/a><\/div>\n<p>Want to climb the ranks? Simply <b>steal very specific things<\/b> from very specific people, because the Guild loves a themed to-do list. Need a rare book? A literal king\u2019s armor? A literal *literal* literal? It\u2019s less about the loot and more about proving you\u2019ll commit to the bit. Consider it corporate team-building, but with more lockpicks and existential dread.<\/p>\n<p>And remember: the Gray Fox\u2019s identity is a secret. Unless you\u2019re into breaking the Fourth Wall, in which case\u2014hi, player character! Don\u2019t worry, the Guild\u2019s HR department (read: a shadowy figure in a cellar) will handle the paperwork.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do I get into the Thieves Guild in Oblivion? Step 1: Embrace Your Inner Klepto (But With Standards) Forget noble quests\u2014this is a job interview where \u201cstealing someone\u2019s cabbage\u201d counts as a resume bullet. To catch the Thieves Guild\u2019s eye, you\u2019ll need to commit 5+ crimes (pickpocket, burglary, etc.) and then chat up a&hellip;&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/how-to-join-thieves-guild-oblivion.html\" rel=\"bookmark\">Read More &raquo;<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">How to join the thieves guild oblivion: a cheese heist?\u00a0the ultimate guide to sneaky glory (and that weird\u00a0&#8220;secret handshake&#8221;\u00a0decoded!)<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1689,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","iawp_total_views":1,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1688","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1688","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1688"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1688\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1689"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1688"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1688"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fotobreak.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1688"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}