Does Ricky Gervais own Dutch Barn Vodka?
Does Ricky Gervais Own Dutch Barn Vodka?
The Rumor Mill: From Stand-Up Stages to Distillery Pages
Let’s address the elephant—or rather, the very British comedian—in the room. Rumors linking Ricky Gervais to Dutch Barn Vodka are about as accurate as a pigeon trying to parallel park. Sure, the man’s a multi-hyphenate genius (actor, writer, director, professional smirker), but vodka mogul? Unless he’s been secretly aging spirits in David Brent’s old office, the answer’s a hard *no*.
Why the confusion?
- Dutch Barn’s logo features a horse. Ricky loves animals—see: *After Life’s* German Shepherd.
- Both Ricky and vodka thrive in environments where inhibitions crumble.
- Someone once joked, “This vodka’s so smooth, it must be Gervais-owned!” The internet did the rest.
The Reality: A Plot Twist Without the Punchline
Dutch Barn Vodka is actually crafted by a New York-based distillery with zero ties to Ricky’s empire of wit and misanthropic one-liners. If he *did* own it, you’d know. Bottles would come pre-labeled with snarky tasting notes like *“Notes of juniper, citrus, and existential dread”* or *“Pairs well with Netflix canceled shows.”*
But What If…?
Imagine a world where Ricky *did* dive into spirits. Would Dutch Barn become the official vodka of awkward office parties? Would each sip come with a bonus podcast rant? Tragically, we’ll never know. Instead, enjoy Dutch Barn for what it is: a crisp, oat-based vodka that—much like Ricky’s comedy—leaves a burning sensation that’s oddly satisfying. Cheers (or as he’d say, *”Go on, have another—you’ve earned it.”*).
What defines a Dutch barn?
The roof that’s basically a geometry teacher’s fever dream
If a Dutch barn walked into a bar, the first thing you’d notice is its gambrel roof—the multi-angled, barnacle-shaped hat that screams, “I majored in triangles.” This iconic rooftop isn’t just for show; it’s a practical rebellion against gravity. Designed to maximize hay storage while minimizing existential dread (for the farmers, not the hay), the slope lets snow slide off like a disgruntled penguin and rain bounce away like it owes the barn money. Bonus: It also doubles as a *great* spot for barn owls to question their life choices.
A skeleton made of stubbornness and spatial wizardry
Dutch barns are the ultimate open-concept enthusiasts. Unlike their nosy cousin, the English barn, these structures rely on anchorbeam framing—a fancy term for “wooden Lego magic” that eliminates pesky central posts. The result? A cavernous interior where cows could theoretically host yoga retreats. The frame’s H-shaped bents (no relation to your weird uncle Bent) are stacked like a Jenga tower that actually works, proving the Dutch motto: *“Why use one beam when 17 will do?”*
Built by immigrants who really hated soggy hay
Dutch settlers brought their barn blueprints to the U.S. in the 1600s, along with tulips, wooden shoes, and a deep-seated fear of moisture. These barns were often raised on stone piers, lifting them off the ground like a cat avoiding a puddle. Why? Because *nothing* says “functional paranoia” like elevating your entire livelihood to dodge rot, floods, and the occasional overzealous groundhog. The mix of stone bases and timber frames also gave them the durability of a Nokia phone—minus the Snake game.
Not to be confused with your cousin’s loft apartment
Sure, Dutch barns have that “rustic chic” vibe, but they’re not here for your artisanal latte photoshoots. Their distinct lack of whimsy is deliberate. Think: thick timber beams that could survive a zombie apocalypse, asymmetrical doors for “character,” and a general aura of “I’ve seen things, kid.” They were built to house crops, livestock, and the occasional existential crisis of a 17th-century farmer—not to store your collection of vintage skateboards. Respect the barn.
Is Dutch Barn Vodka available in the USA?
The Short Answer (With a Side of Herring)
Yes, Dutch Barn Vodka is floating around the USA like a very sophisticated, gluten-free ghost. But locating it might require the determination of a truffle pig and the luck of someone who’s never accidentally bought “vodka-flavored sparkling water” (a crime against humanity). Check specialty liquor stores, high-end grocers, or online retailers—though you may need to sweet-talk a clerk named Clive who insists it’s “behind the counter, next to the existential dread.”
Where to Find Dutch Barn Vodka (Or How to Avoid Smuggling Charges)
- Fancy-pants liquor stores: The kind that also sell artisanal bitters aged in recycled oak barrels whispered to by monks.
- Online spirit sorcerers: Websites that legally ship alcohol, provided you promise not to use it for robot fuel or time travel experiments.
- Dutch Barn Vodka’s website: Their “Where to Buy” tool is less cryptic than a horoscope, but only slightly.
What If Your State Says “Nee”?
If your local shelves are drier than a Dutch comedian’s punchline, don’t panic. Alternatives include:
– Politely asking a moose to smuggle some across the Canadian border (not recommended).
– Hosting a “Bring Your Own Dutch Vodka” party and hoping someone’s aunt has a connection.
– Manifesting it via meditation. Results may vary, but hey, at least you’ll be zen while Googling “vodka delivery near me” at 2 a.m.
Remember, persistence is key. Or, you know, just bookmark this page and refresh it until the universe bends to your will. Cheers! 🥂
Why is it called Dutch Barn Vodka?
The Dutch Misfit Theory
Let’s address the elephant in the windmill. The “Dutch” part isn’t because we’re hiding a tulip farm in the bottle (though that would explain the floral notes). Rumor has it the founders once tried to brew vodka in a clogs-shaped still while binge-watching old Vermeer paintings. Turns out, wooden shoes make terrible distilling equipment. They settled on “Dutch” as an ode to the relentless spirit of innovation—or because “Swedish Garage Vodka” was already trademarked by a guy named Sven.
Barn? More Like “Grain Nightclub”
Ah, the “barn.” Picture this: a rustic, creaky structure filled not with hay or disgruntled goats, but shimmering copper stills and a disco ball. Why? Because every great vodka needs a grain-to-glass saga, and what’s more theatrical than pretending your distillery is a barn? It’s where potatoes (sorry, grains) come to party before becoming your favorite spirit. Fun fact: The original recipe included a dash of “ghostly cow whispers,” but legal made us redact that.
A Cow’s Legal Disclaimer
Speaking of legal, let’s clear the pasture. The name does not imply:
- Cows are moonlighting as distillers (though their hoof-and-mouth resume is impressive).
- The vodka is aged in hay bales (we tried; fire marshals weren’t amused).
- Dutch Barn Vodka pairs best with a trough.
It’s really about honoring agrarian roots—minus the manure. Mostly.
The Secret Third Thing
Truth? The founders just really liked the idea of “Dutch Barn” sounding like a quirky detective duo from a 1970s cop show. “Detective Dutch and Sergeant Barn, solving crimes… one stiff drink at a time.” The vodka? Merely a sidekick. But shhh—that’s classified. Just enjoy the silky-smooth, slightly absurdist vibes. Cheers, or as they say in our fictional Dutch barn: “Proost-erdammer!” (We’ll workshop that.)
