Oblivion Remaster’s Female Character Creation: A Step Backward for Customization?

Remember when Oblivion’s original character creator let you morph human faces into eldritch horrors with sliders that defied anatomy? The remaster, somehow, has managed to make us nostalgic for sentient potato faces. While Tamriel’s graphics got a glow-up, female customization options seem to have taken a nap in a Daedric time warp. Did the developers mistake “remaster” for “revert to a 2006 understanding of gender aesthetics”? We’re not saying it’s bad—just that it’s like being handed a crayon when you asked for a 3D printer.

The Sliders That Slide…But Only Sideways

Gone are the days of terrifyingly creative chin elongation. The new sliders for female characters have the audacity to offer “precision” while locking cheekbones, jawlines, and eyebrow height into a prison of blandness. Want to create a warrior queen with the ferocity of a cliff racer? Enjoy choosing between “mildly annoyed librarian” and “elf who just smelled cheese.” It’s as if the designers feared anything beyond “default heroine #3” might break the space-time continuum. Modders, start your engines—this is a job for chaotic creativity.

Hair: Still a Crime Against Fantasy

• 2006 called: It wants its 10 hairstyles back (and four are just “ponytail, but greasier”).
• Color palette: Choose between “mud,” “more mud,” and “mud with a hint of existential dread.”
• Physics: Now with 5% less “helmet made of uncooked spaghetti”! Progress?

Gender? Never Heard of Her

The original game let you give male characters luscious wizard beards and female characters… the same five chin shapes. The remaster, rather than fixing this, doubled down. Female presets now have fewer eyebrow variations, and the “armor” category still assumes every woman aspires to be a plate-clad mannequin. Meanwhile, male characters get scars that tell stories; women get “faint blush.” Priorities, people. At this rate, TES VI will just auto-generate your face based on your horoscope.

Is it a step backward? Let’s just say the only customization frontier left unexplored is “modify your existential regret” after spending 45 minutes making a character who still looks like they’ve never tasted joy. Here’s hoping the next patch includes a “summon actual art director” spell.

Why the Oblivion Remaster Fails to Modernize Female Character Design: A Critical Analysis

The Uncanny Valley of Helmet Hair

Let’s start with the most glaring offense: female characters still look like they’ve been sculpted from a potato that’s angry about being a potato. The remaster’s so-called “upgrades” have somehow made their hairstyles simultaneously shinier and more uncanny. Picture this: a warrior princess, ready to battle Mehrunes Dagon, but her hair moves like a helmet glued to her scalp. It’s 2023, and we’re still stuck with physics-defying strands that suggest Bethesda invented “anti-gravity haircare.” Even the mannequins in the Arcane University look more expressive.

Armor: Because Protection Shouldn’t Protect Your Modesty

Ah, yes. The armor. Where to begin? Female warriors in the remaster are still clad in what can only be described as “metal bikinis with commitment issues.” Male characters get full plate mail; women get a chestplate that leaves their midriffs exposed to frostbite, arrows, and existential dread. It’s as if the designers thought, “Why stop at chainmail? Let’s add a decorative corset for that authentic ‘medieval cabaret’ vibe!” Modernization isn’t just higher-resolution textures—it’s acknowledging that women might, you know, value not being impaled.

The ‘One Face Fits All’ Approach

Diversity? Never heard of her. Each female NPC seems genetically engineered to have the same wide-eyed, vaguely startled expression, as if they’ve just witnessed Martin turn into a dragon… again. Whether you’re talking to a tavern wench or a Daedric prince, the facial animations suggest a single shared thought: “I definitely left the oven on.” The remaster’s graphical tweaks did little to fix the “clone army” effect—just sharper polygons to highlight their collective existential crisis.

In Summary:

• Hair: Now with 10% more plastic sheen!
• Armor: Designed by a goblin with a “stomachs are sexy” mantra.
• Faces: Because variety is overrated (and hard).

Bethesda’s “remaster” feels less like an update and more like slapping a Tesla touchscreen on a horse-drawn carriage. Nostalgia’s great, but let’s not pretend chainmail bikinis are anything but delusional historical fanfiction.