Who is most likely to win the Grand National in 2025?
Predicting the Grand National winner is like trying to guess what a goat will do if you play it a kazoo solo—utterly chaotic, yet weirdly entertaining. While crystal balls, tea leaves, and a suspiciously lucky horseshoe-shaped biscuit all claim to hold answers, the truth is: this race thrives on glorious unpredictability. That said, let’s wildly speculate anyway, because where’s the fun in silence?
The Horse Whisperer’s “Totally Logical” Front-Runner
Every year, there’s a horse whispered about in stable yards like it’s the chosen one sent to fulfill an ancient prophecy. For 2025, rumors point to “Sir Trot-a-Lot,” a steed whose training regimen includes yoga, a strict diet of organic kale chips, and motivational pep talks from a retired jockey who moonlights as a llama therapist. Stat nerds note he’s genetically 12.7% unicorn (allegedly).
The Underdog Who’ll Make You Question Reality
History loves a dark horse—preferably one named something like “Derek from Accounting.” This plucky contender will inevitably emerge from obscurity, armed with:
- A habit of napping mid-gallop (it’s strategic, trust us).
- A jockey who trained by racing grocery carts down Aldi aisles.
- An uncanny ability to dodge hurdles like they’re existential dread.
The Wildcard: Nature’s Tantrum
Never discount the “Meteorology Roulette” factor. Picture this: a 25/1 outsider named “Thunder Prancer” surges ahead solely because a sudden hailstorm distracts rivals with the vibe of a surprise glitter bomb. Bonus points if the horse’s pre-race ritual involves staring ominously at clouds. Chaos theory, folks—it’s not just for hurricanes.
So, who’s really winning? Probably a horse you bet on as a joke while eating shrimp chips at 2 a.m. The Grand National laughs at logic—and we’re all just spectators in its glorious, muddy circus.
What are the top tips for the Grand National?
1. **Bet on the horse with the name that sounds like your cousin’s WiFi password
Let’s face it: “ThunderousNacho” or “Hoofhearted_69” aren’t just equine identities—they’re vibes. Studies show* (*conducted in a pub) that horses with absurd, unpronounceable, or snack-themed names have a 3.7% higher chance of winning. If the name makes you giggle-snort into your pint, bet immediately. Bonus points if it rhymes with “avocado.”
2. **Embrace the mud (and your inner swamp creature)
The Grand National track is basically a 4-mile slip ‘n slide with fences. Mud matters. Check the weather like you’re planning a moon landing:
- If it’s drier than a tax seminar, lean toward nimble, gazelle-like horses.
- If it’s a swampy mess, back the ones that look like they’ve trained in a peat bog.
Pro tip: Wear waterproof pants. You’ll either blend in or start a fashion trend.
3. **The jockey’s silks are a mood ring
Bright pink polka dots? Neon zebra stripes? This is not a drill. Jockeys dressed like they’re heading to a disco at 3 AM tend to ride like they’ve had three espressos. Scientifically speaking (read: a hunch), chaotic silks = chaotic energy = chaotic good results. If the outfit hurts your eyes, it’s probably a winner.
4. **Age is just a number (unless the horse is older than your car)
Horses between 8-10 years old are the Grand National’s “sweet spot,” like a fine cheese or a midlife crisis. Avoid foals (they’re busy with naptime) and horses older than 12 (they’re probably just here for the retirement party). Look for steeds with the stamina of a marathon runner and the focus of a squirrel eyeing your sandwich.
*Extra tip: If all else fails, close your eyes and point. The universe respects commitment.
Who to pick in the Grand National?
The Horse Whose Name Doubles as Life Advice
Look, we’re not saying “Invisible Storm” will win because it sounds like a rejected superhero alias. But imagine screaming “COME ON, INVISIBLE STORM!” as it hurdles a fence. Poetry. Alternatively, back “Dessert Orchid” purely so you can yell, “I BELIEVE IN YOU, PASTRY FLOWER!” Bonus: if it loses, you’ve still named your next sourdough starter.
Jockeys Named Dave (Or Similar)
Data shows horses ridden by jockeys named Dave, Steve, or ”Probably Dave” have a 0.03% higher chance of winning*. Why? Science can’t explain it. Maybe Daves have a cosmic connection with horses. Maybe they carry snacks. Either way, scan the rider list for:
- Any variation of “Dave” (David, Davina, Dave-adjacent)
- Jockeys wearing socks with guinea pigs on them**
- Someone who looks like they’d own a lawnmower repair YouTube channel
The One That’s Just Vibing
Ignore form guides. Instead, study the pre-race footage. Does the horse:
- Nod along to the national anthem? Winner energy.
- Side-eye the camera? Chaotic neutral.
- Attempt to eat a commentator’s hat? Dark horse (literally, maybe).
Your Aunt’s Cat’s Astrologer Said So
Sure, “analytics” exist. But have you consulted the stars? A tea leaf? The way your goldfish swims clockwise at dawn? If your cousin’s tarot card reader whispers, “Bet on the brown one with legs,” obey. The Grand National is 90% luck, 10% hooves, and 100% a perfect excuse to blame the universe when you lose.
*Statistic may have been invented moments ago.
**This is oddly specific because we once met a Dave who did.
How won Grand National 2025?
A Horse, a Hedgehog, and a Hologram Walk Into Aintree…
In a plot twist that left bookmakers sobbing into their spreadsheets, the 2025 Grand National was clinched by “Sir Neighs-a-Lot”, a horse whose pre-race training involved yoga, a strict diet of kale smoothies, and motivational speeches from a hologram of Winston Churchill. Rumor has it the Churchill avatar kept shouting, “Never surrender… to steeplechases!” Meanwhile, the jockey, Dave “Biscuit” Thompson, credits his winning strategy to reverse psychology—he spent the entire race yelling, “Slow down, you maniac!” The horse, naturally, did the opposite.
The Secret Weapon? A Squirrel Named Kevin
Key to Sir Neighs-a-Lot’s victory was a strategic alliance with local wildlife. Mid-race, a rogue squirrel (later identified as Kevin) staged a dramatic distraction at fence 16, causing three frontrunners to swerve into a porta-potty. Eyewitnesses claim Kevin was later seen negotiating a sponsorship deal with AcornVPN. Meanwhile, the horse’s “emotional support hedgehog”, Spiky Steve, reportedly hissed at rivals to psych them out. Science.
- The “Cheese Moon” Conspiracy: Race organizers deny allegations that the track was greased with artisanal brie to favor Sir Neighs-a-Lot, who’s lactose-tolerant.
- AI Stewards? Controversy erupted when the official replay was replaced by a TikTok filter turning horses into disco-dancing alpacas.
Post-Race Celebrations: Chaos, Confetti, and a Confused Swan
After the win, Sir Neighs-a-Lot celebrated by eating the winner’s bouquet (turns out roses are his third-favorite snack, after kale and existential dread). The trophy ceremony was interrupted by a swan named Gary, who’d mistaken the podium for a “very shiny pond”. As of press time, Kevin the squirrel remains at large, last seen boarding a hot air balloon shaped like a giant walnut.
