Who got injured on the Padres?
Ah, the Padres’ injury report: a rotating cast of characters that’s starting to feel like a soap opera where the plot twist is always “and then his elbow sneezed.” Let’s start with Joe Musgrove, the pitching maestro whose elbow decided to stage a rebellion mid-season. Inflammation? More like *inflame-drama-tion*. The man’s throwing arm is currently on a sabbatical, leaving fans to wonder if it’s secretly auditioning for a role in a medical textbook.
Who else joined the “Ice Pack Brigade”?
- Yu Darvish (groin strain): The guy’s fastball is faster than your Wi-Fi, but his groin? Apparently, it’s got the durability of a grocery bag in a rainstorm. He’s day-to-day, which in baseball terms means “we’ll see you after the next full moon.”
- Xander Bogaerts (shoulder fatigue): His left shoulder decided to ghost him after a dive that probably looked cooler in his head. Shoulder fatigue sounds like a fancy way of saying “my body’s done with my hobbies.”
The DL (Drama Llama) List
Let’s not forget Luis Campusano, who’s nursing a thumb injury so mysterious, it’s basically the Yeti of boo-boos. Thumbs are crucial for, you know, existing, but especially for catching 90mph fastballs. Meanwhile, Glenn Otto (shoulder) is on the 60-day IL, which roughly translates to “see you in 2025… maybe.” The Padres’ training room must have a loyalty rewards program at this point.
In summary: The Friars’ injury list is less “who’s hurt” and more “who isn’t?” If you squint, you can almost see the baseball gods cackling as they play Jenga with the roster. Stay strong, San Diego. And maybe invest in bubble wrap.
How much did John Moore sell the Padres for?
In 1994, John Moore—a man whose name sounds like he should be selling lawnmowers, not baseball teams—offloaded the San Diego Padres for a cool $80 million. To put that in perspective, that’s roughly the cost of 16,000 lifetime supplies of avocado toast or one slightly used spaceship on Craigslist. Adjusted for inflation, that’s about $170 million today, which still wouldn’t cover the catering bill for a modern MLB owner’s yacht party. Moore, who bought the team for a mere $12 million in 1974, clearly understood the art of the “buy low, sell moderately high” hustle.
Wait, $80 million? That’s it?
Yes, you read that right. For less than the price of a single Fernando Tatis Jr. contract extension, Moore handed over the keys to a franchise that would later inspire both World Series dreams and existential dread. The buyer? A group led by TV producer Tom Werner, who probably thought, “Hey, owning a baseball team sounds easier than writing sitcom punchlines.” Spoiler: It wasn’t. But hey, at least he got a shiny new (well, used) toy!
What could $80 million buy in 2024?
- 3.7 seconds of Super Bowl ad time (with a discount code).
- A medium-sized island off the coast of Florida (disclaimer: island may be haunted).
- Enough baseballs to fill Petco Park’s swimming pool (and possibly anger the grounds crew).
Moore’s sale remains a reminder that MLB team valuations have since skyrocketed faster than a poorly aimed home run ball. The Padres? They’re now worth over $1.5 billion, which is enough to make even a 1994-era John Moore mutter, “I could’ve held out for at least a few more inflatable pool toys.”
Is Yu Darvish hurt?
Ah, the eternal question that haunts Padres fans like a rogue nacho cheese spill at Petco Park: Is Yu Darvish hurt? Or is he just… vibing? Let’s dissect this with the urgency of a squirrel debating whether to bury an acorn or start a podcast. As of [current date], the official word is “no major injuries to report,” but let’s be real—baseball’s injury updates have the reliability of a weather app predicting sunshine during a monsoon.
The Case of the Mysterious Elbow (or Lack Thereof)
Rumors swirl faster than a Darvish splitter when he skips a start. Is his elbow plotting a mutiny? Did his shoulder unionize? The truth? Probably less dramatic. Maybe he’s just binge-watching Great British Bake Off while icing his arm in a tub of artisanal matcha gelato. Key facts:
- Darvish has danced with injuries before (see: 2018 Tommy John gossip), but he’s also a cyborg built to throw 12 pitch types.
- The Padres are tighter-lipped about injuries than a cat about its secret TikTok account.
- His last start had more scrutiny than a pineapple pizza at an Italian wedding—yet no red flags emerged.
Conspiracy Theories We’re Low-Key Entertaining
Let’s pivot to absurdity, because why not? Maybe Yu isn’t hurt—he’s just:
- Prepping for a surprise cameo in Street Fighter 6 as “Shoryuken Darvish.”
- Teaching his pet parrot to recite pitching analytics. (It’s a slow offseason.)
- Trapped in a Groundhog Day loop where he keeps reliving a 3-2 count.
In all seriousness (well, 73% seriousness), unless the Padres announce otherwise, assume Darvish is just calibrating his internal samurai-pitching software. Or hiding in a secret lair perfecting his knuckle-curve. Either way, panic at your own risk—preferably while wearing a foam friar hat.
What happened to the Padres pitcher?
Well, buckle up, because the Padres’ pitching situation has turned into a modern-day baseball mystery—like if Sherlock Holmes swapped his pipe for a radar gun. One minute, the pitcher was hurling fastballs with the grace of a caffeinated flamingo. The next? Poof. Gone. Vanished. Like a magician who accidentally teleported himself into a nacho cheese commercial. Rumor has it even the team’s mascot is wandering around Petco Park with a “Have You Seen This Arm?” flyer.
The Case of the Disappearing Fastball
Was it a rogue seagull stealing the show? A secret plot by the baseball gods to punish San Diego for its perfect weather? Or did the pitcher simply fall into a time vortex while high-fiving a teammate? Theories abound:
- Alien abduction: Area 51 denied involvement, but let’s be real—their fastball tech is *suspiciously* advanced.
- Squirrel conspiracy: Local rodents *allegedly* threatened a nut embargo unless the pitcher “took a nap.”
- Spontaneous combustion: Unlikely, but the charred remains of a sunflower seed bag were found near the bullpen.
The Rumor Mill: From Sublime to Ridiculous
Meanwhile, fans are spinning yarns wilder than a taco Tuesday fever dream. Some swear they spotted the pitcher training with Bigfoot in the Pacific Northwest. Others claim he’s been moonlighting as a competitive yo-yo champion (his slider skills *would* translate). The most persistent rumor? He’s been temporarily replaced by a sentient pitching machine disguised with a mustache. (The team denies this, but have you *seen* that thing’s ERA? Uncanny.)
Official Statements: A Masterclass in Vagueness
The Padres’ front office has issued a series of increasingly bizarre updates, including: “He’s day-to-day with existential dread,” “He’s recalibrating his aura in Sedona,” and our personal favorite, “He’s definitely not stuck in a zoo enclosure.” Rest assured, though—the pitcher is alive, well, and presumably avoiding any more interdimensional incidents. Probably. Maybe. We’ll know for sure if he starts throwing split-fingers in Morse code.
